I am a ghost

Posted on by inkbiotic

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Do you sometimes question if you exist in the way you’re supposed to? I sometimes wonder if I’ve died already and what’s wandering around as me doesn’t look completely human anymore.

Today I was feeling faded out anyway, still ill with some bizarre virus that gives me a low level fever and makes my face feel swollen up from the inside. I haven’t been outside my room except to get water and occasional snacks, but I needed more food, so I went out to the supermarket. And on the way people were staring at me oddly. They often do stare at me oddly, it’s true, not nastily, just curiously, but today they weren’t even trying to hide it.

Then I was in the supermarket, using the self-service screen and it wouldn’t recognise my finger. I was pressing and pressing different buttons on the screen, trying to get something, but nope. So I called the supermarket guy over, I know him, he’s usually really friendly, but he barely acknowledged me. He pressed the button, it worked first time. So I think it’s me, what have I turned into? Am I just waiting to fade away?

 

Word of the day (I think this one may be a joke): Gawdelpus – helpless person

 

21 thoughts on “I am a ghost”

  2. I often feel outside myself & no one can see it, but I suspect a cloud hangs above my head that interferes with the proper workings of modern gadgetry. I hope you’re feeling better. Ordinary is boring except when you want things to just go back to normal, heh?

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    1. It’s true the occasional weirdness makes life interesting, although it can be tricky. The cloud sounds annoying, I hope one day you can find a use for it – maybe it’s a special power you just haven’t figured out yet 🙂

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  3. I can feel a bit spaced out sometimes, like I’m floating around and past people – we humans can have some strange sensations. I used to hate them, now I just accept them. Hope you’re feeling more ‘real’ soon!

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  4. Hope you’re, as it were, feeling yourself today, more than you were. It’s been a while since I felt such fuzziness, not since I was teaching, but I do sort of understand what you mean by that detached entity feeling.

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  5. But what if they’re all ghosts?…
    Speaking as someone who always seems to be living one degree north of everybody else I can only encourage you (when you’re well – very soon hopefully) to enjoy the view. It beats television…

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    1. Hello Shaily! It’s always lovely to hear from you. I’ve been taking a little break because I’ve been writing book-things as well as feeling a bit stale with the blog. I was going to write a post about it, but then feel I often end up writing ‘I’m taking a little break’ posts and worry they get a bit boring.
      It’s tricky, because I miss chatting to you and all the blogsters, but there’s a stage of writing where I need to just surround my head with the characters and plot, and coming back to the blog is a real distraction.
      I’m not sure how long the break will be, but I’ll maybe try and write a proper post about what I’m up to. And I’ll be back, I always come back 🙂
      Oh and I have an update about the foxes, so I need to write that. xx (recently learned that putting an x at the bottom of a post is an english thing only, is that right?)

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      2. That’s what I mean! What does xx at the end of a message mean to you? Does it look like a mistake? Or do you know it’s a friendly sign off? I use it as an alternative to smileys sometimes, and it’s a bit more affectionate too, but maybe I’m just confusing people!

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      3. Honestly, I have only seen a couple of people doing that (including you) and both are British. I don’t understand what it means. 🙂 I thought it was used to signal Goodbye

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      4. specifically an x means a kiss (but a friendly kiss, not sexual!) but yes, it basically means goodbye. It used to be used at the bottom of letters, then emails, then texts. Sometimes we’d use xox, which meant kiss-hug-kiss. 🙂

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      7. Best of luck with the book! I don’t have enough patience with the same characters to write beyond a page… but would love to read what you write. 🙂

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