Word of the day: hackle – pluck or spirit; to show hackle – to be willing to fight (originates circa 1860)
I used to be quite confrontational, you know? People were scared of me. Sometimes it would be useful to have that power back. I spent a good ten minutes just staring at my phone. Then half an hour straightening out my cupboard. Then ten minutes growling at myself. Then I realised I’d lost the landlady’s number and had to get it off Neville. Then, fuck it, I called her.
For anyone reading who has no clue what I’m on about, I drew the short straw [breadstick] to call the landlady and ask her why she thinks it’s ok to go into our rooms when we aren’t here.
She’s very nice, but she’s one of those people who seems able to use niceness as a tactic of war. Along with guilt. I’ll try to represent this as well as I remember…
Landlady [launching into unstoppable niceness]: Oh hello, how are you doing in your lovely new home? I got it painted freshly for you all, you know? I didn’t want you living in a hovel, and the last tenants left it in such a mess. It nearly broke me when I saw what they’d done.
Me [trying to interrupt]: Yes…well…we won’t do that…
LL: But it’s a lovely flat, isn’t it? I don’t think you could find cheaper in London.
Me: Yes, but we’re a bit concerned…somebody has been coming in our rooms, moving things around, we’re a bit worried.
LL [suddenly quite sharp and shrewd]: Well, did you leave the door unlocked? That’s very dangerous, I don’t want someone breaking in and causing damage. That makes my insurance invalid, you know?
Me [a bit sick of the softly softly]: And Neville said that you’ve been coming round while we’re at work.
LL: Hmm? I need to go in a minute, I have a hospital appointment, I’m a slave to my knees, they say I have to have an operation.
Me [sod the softly softly]: Have you been coming into our rooms?
LL: Only if I need to.
Me: Like when you moved my ketchup?
LL: Well, it should be in the fridge, I’m not sure why you put it your room. You’ll bring in ants!
Me: You shouldn’t have been in my room to know that I had ketchup in there.
LL: Oh you don’t mind me visiting my own flat, do you? The previous tenants didn’t mind.
Me: But-
LL: Well, I’ll come round at the weekend, and we can all discuss it then.
Me: Discuss what?
LL: See you then! Bye!
I was still trying to argue into my phone, but she was gone.
I have no idea how to discuss with someone so blatant about lying and manipulation.
inkbiotic 
OOOOOOH! Well! I have never in my life put ketchup in the fridge* and I can confirm, no ants have moved in as a result. I don’t even know what an ant looks like, that’s how much it doesn’t matter that the ketchup isn’t in the fridge.
*Mr Henthorn used to put ketchup in the fridge until he found out about ‘Sam’s law’
Well done for making that call, when she comes round for a ‘chat’ your flatmates had better do some of the talking, otherwise I’ll be round there with ketchup bottles for all.
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Lol! I like that you have a law all of your own, and such an important one! 🙂
I think we all need to have a discussion before she turns up, make our own battle plan…Although if that doesn’t work out, I’ll be calling on you and your bottles! 😀
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Wyze cams, 720p with night mode. I have three.
A good investment under 50.00 US dollars. Does the lease say she can drop in anytime? I bet not. Id think about the cams first, cheapest option. Next Id think about moving if financially possible.
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Colour me curious, Darnell! Why do you have 3 sneaky cams? Do you have unwanted intruders of your own? Have you captured any exciting footage? Did it all go a bit Paranormal Activity?
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I use the cams to check on my dad when I’m at work. He’s independent, but at 88 years old, I feel better having a look on his coming and going. No paranormal activity…yet. 😱
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Well, I’m glad he’s got you looking out for him.
I’m sure you won’t get any paranormal entities up to mischief, just DON’T get a ouija board.
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You’re RIGHT about that!
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OH my! You need to check tenant/landlord laws before the weekend.
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Good idea, forewarned is forearmed.
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Yes. She’s breaking a law here in the states. I don’t know UK law.
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Yes same, but Brits are usually too polite/cowardly to comment 😉
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Well, don’t let her get away with it. You have a right to feel safe in your home.
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I know. Thank you for the support 🙂
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I suppose that it’s just possible that she doesn’t realise how unacceptable this is. You need to work as a team to tell her so. If she won’t listen, I suggest that you sneak around to her house and put a bat up her nightie.
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It is not even about unacceptable. It is absolutely completely plain a crime.
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Yup. Although I probably won’t get the police in yet. But I will be giving her stern-face.
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She definitely seems like the type to wear a nightie. I’m very fond of bats though, if I catch one, I may have to keep it next to my ketchup bottle. Ants though, ants up her nightie…
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I do mind. And should you ever do that again I will report you to the police for illegal trespassing.
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I like your calm control, do you want to come round at the weekend and meet my landlady? I’ll buy you cake.
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Uh oh. So much for easy resolution. Well, make sure the roommates are around to back you up!
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It’s never simple! Although getting all this encouragement on here cheers me up no end!
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It is illegal. Just tell her so. You can report that.
She needs to make prior arrangements with you before visiting and there needs to be a good reason.
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Exactly, I think she needs to give 24 hours notice before showing up. Somehow it’s more difficult to point this out when you have a passive-aggressive, pseudo-super-nice manipulator chatting to you about her knees! But I will get there. Eventually. 🙂
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No stern face. But focus on “That is a very serious matter”. Focus not on being nice or having a chat with her, focus on what is important. At the same time remain completely calm. Zero aggressive but very VERY assertive and absolutely not interested in any of small talk.
And if I would be in London, I absolutely would be fine with dropping by for this conversation. I have just a round with my old landlady behind me and the bitch also tried to threaten me to agree to stuff that is completely unacceptable. So I am right now very much in flow for conversations with landlords. 😀
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Oh no! I’m sorry you’re dealing with crazy landladies too! I hope it’s all sorted now. I shall start practising my calm but assertive demeanour. Luckily I’m not interested in small talk anyway, so quite happy to steer clear of it 😉 Thank you for the advice 🙂
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Great job talking to her! I m sure your friends would have chickened out of this one. Remind your roommates to be there for the discussion and any body who doesn’t come might have to deal with bats at night! 😋
BTW I like bats too. I find them cute but I know they scare the shit out of most people, so always good for motivation.
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😀 This is why it’s always good to have a few bats around the place 😀
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After reading your last post she seems very manipulative
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Agreed, she’s a tricksy one.
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