P.I. Inkbiotic Investigates

 

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‘Inch by inch, the world fell apart.’ Empty Poems of the Sun – Hector Banlet

Today me and Mike were loading up the van with a few shrubs we’d cut down, when a man came rushing over all excited.

‘I don’t mean to be rude, but can I have them? I’m getting married on Saturday and they’d look great in the hall, they’re so beautiful!’

We tried to explain about greenfly and viburnum beetle, but he was too happy to listen and we were only going to throw them away, so of course we said yes. Mike tried to charge the guy a fiver, but I gave him a stern look. The groom-to-be kept thanking us, and we congratulated him (actually I said ‘Have a good wedding’ because I have no idea what the etiquette for weddings is).

Five minutes later he returned saying,

‘I’m so sorry, I have to give them back, my van is full of flies now!’

So our kind deed failed, and Mike didn’t even get his fiver.

This afternoon I went to check out the accident down my street, as promised. I had to walk up and down the road looking casual until everyone had gone, and then got a few photos.

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Inspecting closer, I noticed there’s slight skid marks leading towards the smashed up fence. It looks as if someone skidded off the road and drove through the fence, then drove across the garden and out the wall a bit further on. Pausing only to smash out the back windows of two cars. But surely it would take a truck to drive through a wall? Was it a truck? The cars now have bin liners over the window.

Any ideas? I asked what people thought at work and got the following suggestions:

  • A hate crime.
  • A revenge attack.
  • A police raid, where some kind of evidence/ drugs were thought to be in one of the cars.
  • Somebody really drunk got confused where the road was, drove into the garden. They felt very guilty and wanted to write a note to say sorry, but they didn’t have a a pen, so they smashed the rear window of one car, looking for one, but no pen.  Then they smashed the back window of the other car, but no pen. They were then so frustrated by the uselessness of the garden owner, that they drove out in a rage, not noticing that they had made a new path through the wall.

 

27 thoughts on “P.I. Inkbiotic Investigates

  1. A tear in the space/time continuum that left that garden briefly in the pathway of a galactic superhighway where it was hit by an interplanetary double-decker which was running ten minutes late owing to the Kuyper belt being 3 degrees to the left of where it should have been and the pressure being down in his front left tyre… or maybe I read that in the bottom of a glass.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. A tear in the space/time continuum that left the fence fleeting in the path of an intergalactic superhighway, whence it was hit by a number 9 from Andromeda to Cyrrus carrying an army of men with mops who are responsible for keeping the stars shiny…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Also convincing. Although the next question is, where IS that space/time continuum and can I sneak through it if I jump up and down next to the fence?

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    1. Wait, what? Huh? Now you’re playing with my mind! I don’t even know which way is up, down or strange. I need to have a little lie down.

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      1. …annoyingly there are news stories about other far more mundane incidents – some jewellery stolen in a burglary, a car crash, but no sign of this. I shall keep an eye out over the next few days though.

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  3. Wormholes and tears in the fabric of the universe aside, I like your last theory best—it has the ring of truth. Failing that, it’s a location for whatever sequel of ‘The Fast and the Furious’ is being shot right now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If I had my own detective show, then that could be the last line in the episode, with a cheeky wink to camera 😉

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