What can I summon?

Found this in one of the gardens. It looked like someone had made a bit of a camp in between some trees and this was left in the middle. I’m not sure what it is, but it moves in an out like a pump and makes a whistly sound sometimes. I thought it might be a bird caller, but much of the time it doesn’t make a bird call noise at all, more like a wheezy gasp. Could it be a wheezy-smoker caller? After all, smokers have become pretty unpopular these days. My colleague Jessica has to walk out of sight of her block of flats to have a cigarette or her neighbours complain. Which is ironic because apparently they’ve had a number of dawn drug raids, but they still consider her to be the troublemaker to be kept at a distance.

Anyway, maybe the wheezy-smoker caller is to round up all the smokers and take them to a safe place far from where anyone else might be breathing. Harsh, I know. I’m glad I have it now and the smokers are safe.

And then, I found this too:


I’m less confused by what this is. I reckon it’s the kind of thing a serious hiker would have. It has a thermometre on one side and a compass on the other. I’m assuming a mountain guide owned it as they led a troop of thrill seekers through the treacherous mountains of London. I only hope our plucky guide still has their machete and crampons. It’s a bleak world out there, but presumably they’ve been trained in the art of finding their way by tube.

Do you think if  I stand in Trafalgar Square tomorrow and blow it I’ll get a group of tourists to guide? And what will come if I blow the whistle and use the wheezy smoker caller at the same time?

23 thoughts on “What can I summon?

  1. It’s a water pistol! Personally, I think I might run in the other direction at the sight of a large group of serious hikers approaching… Unless, of course, I had a fully armed water pistol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shit, I don’t want to endanger them with running, it could lead to coughing fits! what if i use the wheeze-smoker to blow the whistle? That might be possible.


      1. Good point! And then that cougher will fall over and hit another one, who will fall over and hit another. Soon a chain of fallen coughers will cover the earth. And THIS is why we need social distancing, to break the chain. (It’s very early in the morning, I MIGHT be making no sense 🙂 )

        Liked by 1 person

    1. It takes extra determination, but they’ll get up that hill and see the beautiful view. And have a cigarette to help them enjoy it (not criticising smokers, btw I was one for many years, I know the thinking 🙂 .)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Maybe it’s to use in the current battle, to shoop up soapy water and spray it on drunks hands from a safe distance, with the expression “WASH ‘EM! WASH ‘EM NOW!!”


  3. Sounds unusually civilised compared to how we normally treat people in London. Maybe the virus is mellowing us all.


  4. The first looks like a complex pool noodle and the second some kind of fancy clock whistle. Hm, I wonder how good of an idea that would be, the clock whistle. Would it whistle on its own or would you be obliged to blow it at the hour. Now I’m thinking about a time whistle o.O

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry, what? A pool noodle? An underwater whistle that summons fish? *googles* Oh, sadly not.
      Now a time whistle would be very useful. I think the way they work is when you blow them it IS on the hour. So you blow at 3.45pm and it becomes 3pm. Very useful if you just spilt coffee over your laptop, or ran over your cat. I hear they got banned though, played havoc with government tracking systems.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aha! Genius! So now we just have to find a whale, you distract him and I’ll climb up and work out where his blow hole is. What could go wrong? 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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