Be a boy!

a11

Thought I’d try with the artificial inspiration again, and I got one for all the lovely guys out there, I hope this wisdom can make your day.

Unfortunately the one I got a while ago for women isn’t quite so chirpy.

a17

Still no sign of Brennan.

“I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.”

 

Angry strangers

womn

A woman on the tube today had a high vis vest on, she wasn’t acting oddly at all, just standing by the window at the end of the carriage looking out so that her back was turned towards me. Written in huge letters across the back of the high vis was

I’m straight, get it? Yes, I’m a woman and an engineer so keep your prejudices to yourself. Even in a high vis I’m straight.

Then on the front

Straight hetero engineer

I’m undecided what I think of this. On the one hand I’m sympathetic to the hassle women get for working in what are traditionally men’s roles, because I’ve had plenty over the years. It isn’t upsetting, but it’s irritating and it wears you down. On the other, writing it in huge letters on your clothes is somewhat stroppy and attention seeking, since 99% of people wouldn’t give a crap either way, and the only reason people were staring at her was because they were trying to work out what her high-vis said. On the other hand (I have three hands now) what’s the stress about being gay or straight? Does it matter if someone assumes she’s gay? On the other hand (now I have four hands, I’m a mutant!) I don’t know the circumstances surrounding this, maybe she didn’t even write the words herself.

Any other hands people can help me with?

Word of the day: paralipsis – fixing attention subject by pretending to neglect it

More AI rules for life

wGJgqyv46Q

“Prime numbers are what is left when you have taken all the patterns away. I think prime numbers are like life. They are very logical but you could never work out the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them.”
― Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Word of the day: Galeanthropy – belief that one is a cat

Today I saw a kestrel. That’s it.

Artificial Inspiration glimpse of the future

c

Whenever I find myself floundering and unsure an AI generated piece of wisdom provides the pick-me-up I need. Now I can open my mind to welcome my simian malevolence, for enlightenment takes many forms.

 “In order to attain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd.”

Miguel de Cervantes

Word of the day: Demonosopher – one who is inspired by a demon or devil

Wisdom, trolls and mud

A30 (2)

Now this is almost like a real inspirational poster, although I’d say exercise and doctors are also useful in the pursuit of health.

London today was soggy. It was ok, I have waterproofs, but the biggest problem was trying to not to destroy the squeaky cleanness of the messroom when I was coated in mud. And the toilets in the new block are too small, which means just getting past the concertina door meant I painted the wall with a layer of mud from my coat. Then I’d turn around to clean it up and decorate the other wall behind me. And everything I touched, from bog roll to door to sink taps became streaked with brown, I felt like a shitty Midas.

When we were getting ready to go home, Mike said to Dan, now you need to find an umbrella you can hold over me so I don’t get wet. I looked at him quizzically and he said,

‘You wouldn’t understand. It’s a man thing.’

Yes, he’s definitely trolling me.

Word of the day: limicolous – living in mud

It’s a man-thing

 

3Ee3kWk9e0

Today I was in the kitchen with Dan and Mike walked in and began to excitedly punch him on the shoulder, saying, ‘Good night then, was it? Eh?’

And Dan started laughing as if they shared some exciting secret.

I’m nosy as all fuck, so I started whining, ‘What? What are you talking about?’ (I have an older brother, growing up I spent a lot of time left out, I don’t like it).

‘You’re not allowed to know. Me and Dan talk about things, secret things,’ said Mike, with that expression kids get when they’ve found something, but it’s theirs and they don’t want you to see it.

‘What things? Why don’t you tell me?’ I asked, because I have no real dignity.

‘Man things,’ said Mike smugly.

We all went outside and sat in our new bench area, but Mike hadn’t finished gloating, he wanted to make sure Jessica (who was sitting out there, happily smoking a cigarette) understood too.

‘See, you think that the communication ends at four when we all go home, but me and Dan, we carry on, that’s just the beginning.’

‘Carry on what?’ said Jessica, politely feigning interest.

‘Man things,’ said Mike, again, proudly.

‘Uh huh,’ said Jessica (she’s so much cooler than me)

‘But what are man things?’ I asked.

‘You know, manly,’ said Mike.

‘Tell me!’ I wailed.

‘Well, for a start we talk on WhatsApp,’ said Mike.

‘WhatsApp?’ I said, this wasn’t quite the wrestling-pigs-and-smashing-cars manly thing I’d imagined. ‘What about?’

‘We send each other selfies!’ said Mike.

‘Selfies,’ I repeat.

‘Yeah, Dan will tell me he’s going out, and then he’ll send me a picture of the shirt he’s wearing and ask me if it looks good.’

‘So you WhatsApp each other pictures of your outfits?’ I ask. ‘That’s your manly thing?’

‘And Mike sends me back pictures of his clothes too,’ added Dan, who’d been chuckling quite a bit, ‘look!’ and held up his phone that showed Mike in a flower patterned shirt and an inept duck face.

‘See?’ said Mike. ‘Man things!’

I think he may be trolling me.

Word of the day: phallocrat – one who assumes the naturality of male dominance